A key to happiness: human connection

Humans are animals that live in groups. Back in the Savannah our survival depended on trusting our fellow humans and on being part of a flock. Nowadays, we have turned to an individualistic lifestyle. We avoid responsibilities and close connections, we often prefer independence, which we mistake for freedom. In part, the more individualistic lifestyle can support our well-being: it becomes easier to live a life that feels authentic and to experience being in control. Autonomy and authenticity are known to improve our well-being.

 

Being connected in times of globalization

However, our human flocks have become increasingly small. Our friends are part of our social network, but often live in different parts of the country or even the world. The same is true for our extended families, many of us have moved away from their hometown, away from parents and siblings. While we experience the endless possibilities in a globalized world mostly as opportunity, we sacrifice our close connections. As two global citizens, we too have moved away from family and friends, even from our home countries. It is nearly impossible and, when possible, takes a long time to establish new connections that carry the same weight as those of childhood friendships or family. The smallest stable unit is now our little family of four – quite a different situation compared to the nomadic group life our ancestors found themselves. 

 

Different types of connection

We don’t lose contact to friends and family, when we move. Quite the opposite has happened, we are in a highly frequent contact, sending messages, pictures and talking on the phone. However, digital contact is no substitute for real interpersonal contact. Human connection is an experience of being together of touching each other, of smelling each other, of hearing all the undertones in someone’s voice, which convey a lot more information than just reading the words and possibly seeing an emoji next to it. We also choose distant connections over people who live locally. This has the advantage of helping us feel connected to the people who are most similar to us, but makes us feel isolated in our living space. The less connected you feel to your neighbors, the less you trust them, and the more likely you are to become isolated in your living space.

 

Human connection in the digital age

We need that human connection for our well-being. I want to go so far to say that the freedom we gained is not worth the loss of being connected. We don’t need to give up that freedom of choosing our family, of choosing our flock and finding people who accept us in our individual ways. But we do need the close social interpersonal contact. New research shows that teenagers growing up in a digital world with social media and smartphones are actually less independent, and subsequently more depressed than previous generations. Messaging cannot replace simply spending time with our fellow humans.

While the endless opportunity of partners and friends often keeps us in a stage of indecisiveness, and we strive to keep our independence, we forget that social closeness is something inherent to the human condition.

Many studies show how important close interpersonal contact is. We feel better when we touch each other, when we spend time with each other, when we feel accepted and appreciated by friends, colleagues and family. Connectedness is a key ingredient to being happy. Let’s establish a new Zeitgeist, let’s base it on shared trust and support. Get close, open yourself up to others, tell them your sorrows and share your happiness.

 

Scientific literature:

Wenninger, H., Krasnova, H. & Buxmann, P. Activity matters: Investigating the influence of Facebook on life satisfaction of teenage users.  (2014).

Lemola, S., Perkinson-Gloor, N., Brand, S., Dewald-Kaufmann, J. F. & Grob, A. Adolescents’ electronic media use at night, sleep disturbance, and depressive symptoms in the smartphone age. Journal of youth and adolescence 44, 405-418 (2015).

Davey, C. G., Allen, N. B., Harrison, B. J., Dwyer, D. B. & Yücel, M. Being liked activates primary reward and midline self‐related brain regions. Human brain mapping 31, 660-668 (2010).

 

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