In our previous post, we talked about how re-appraisal of stress can affect your health. It is some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy: if you believe that stress is bad for you, it will have more negative health consequences.
Make the strategy of reappraisal or re-evaluation your close friend – not only when it comes to stress.
This will help you in many other areas of life. You might have ideas and concepts anchored in your mind that are not accurate. For example, you might be sure, that you are quite a lazy person. This idea could have been planted there already in your childhood, when you parents called you lazy because you didn’t want to clean your room. It was probably reinforced during your teenager years, since teenagers usually have other priorities than working hard in school, and are being called lazy on a regular basis. Maybe you got back on track, when you started working or studying – but the concept of your character already contained the description “lazy”.
Now, this is where the problem lies: we think of ourselves as a quite clearly defined entity with certain traits. We believe, we know ourselves, that we can predict how we will react in specific scenarios and – most importantly – that we won’t or will hardly change.
However, we do not base our self-concept entirely on extensive reflection and detailed observations of our own behavior. We might use these tools, but our self-concept will always be integrating the views, thoughts and comments that others make about us. If you kept hearing that you are a lazy person, you might have decided to prove them all wrong, but more likely, you accepted this description into your idea about who you are.
As a consequence, the word lazy pops up, whenever you do not feel like doing a task. You will say to yourself: “I just can’t help it. I am a lazy person.” It is the best excuse that you can come up with, because it sounds so definite and fits perfectly into the narrative that you repeat. If you simply are a lazy person, how could you ever change that?
A simple strategy for reappraisal
This is where re-appraisal comes into play: As soon as you hear your inner voice uttering such a sentence, think about the description.
Are you really lazy, low-energy, anti-social, a loner, difficult, etc.? Start by writing down all these descriptors that you give yourself. Make a little list over a couple of days. Then, try to find evidence in the past as well as in the present. Were you really a lazy child or did you simply not like cleaning your room, but were active in sports and engaged in school? Were you really a lazy teenager or did you just invest your energy in writing sad song, trying to master a cool skateboard trick or doing everything to impress your crush? Now as an adult, are you really lazy or are there good reason why you want to avoid a certain task? Are there concrete reasons, that are not based in a negative trait you are assigning yourself?
Watch out for these pitfalls
When doing this little exercise, avoid the trap of generalization. Just because you might be lazy, when it comes to doing the dishes, does not make you a lazy person. You might invest a lot of energy into gardening, or cooking or your job.
Also, notice patterns of disqualifying all the evidence that speaks against your theory about who you are. For example, a childhood memory of you setting the dinner table might come up, and you brush it away thinking “That was just a one-time-thing. Usually, I was indeed lazy.”
Last, but not least: You can change!
If all the past and present evidence shows that you are a super lazy couch potato, but you want to change that: go ahead. Our character is not set in stone. Our brain stays flexible until old age.
That notion that “we develop our personality until we are 15 and then we are who we are” is completely incorrect. The brain can not form news neurons (except for in the hippocampus), but it constantly alters the connections between existing neurons. That way it stays adaptable – and so are you.
If you want to become a more energetic and active person, do it! Start by changing how you describe yourself. When you catch your inner voice talking about how lazy and always tired you are, talk back to it. Remind yourself of examples, when you are full of energy. Soon you won’t just become more active, but your self-esteem will increase drastically, when you start cutting out all the negative and inaccurate descriptors. Don’t let self-directed negativity hold you back!
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